Mary Pat doesn't float around with an umbrella, but she does have 20 years of experience as a Child Development expert. This column will answer questions about child development concerns & managing your employee/employer relationship.



Q: The family I work for has asked me to take on additional house-related responsibilities that weren’t originally part of my job description. I don’t mind pitching in, but am worried that doing these extra things will impact my ability to care for the children. I also don’t want the requests to keep adding up. I don’t want to seem unwilling or difficult. How should I handle this?

A: You certainly don’t want to feel like your employer is taking advantage of you. The good news is that usually situations like this are resolved through clear solution-oriented communication.

Working in a private home always means helping with household tasks. Our most impressive Nannies approach their job with the attitude that they are there to help however they can. Of course they have boundaries too, but they know that when they do an extra load of laundry, change a light bulb, run an errand or empty the dishwasher they are giving their employer that much more. I’d say if it’s a reasonable request that won’t compromise your availability to manage your primary responsibilities or care for the children, then it would be good to do what you can to help the household run smoothly.

Now, what if it’s not terribly reasonable? For example, what if they want you to clean out the detached garage while the baby is sleeping. In addition to probably being outside your responsibilities, this may mean that you’d be getting dusty or dirty and outside of hearing range of the baby. In a case where it’s a request you cannot accommodate, I’d suggest letting them know that while you want to be helpful, completing this task would compromise your ability to keep your primary focus on the child’s care and safety.

If it’s a situation where there are on-going requests that seem unreasonable in your eyes, I’d suggest sitting down with your employer to talk, and reviewing your job description in the context of their current requests. It’s important to try to understand the scope of their current needs. It’s also ideal if you can offer suggestions for solutions and be as flexible as possible. In most cases, there is a win-win solution that can be found.


Q:  I work for a family that often invites other children over for play dates while I’m working. I’m not sure if I should I be compensated more when this happens. I also don’t know how I should handle difficult behavior of the visiting children. Help!

A:  Play dates can be a wonderful time for children to have a chance to build their social skills and just plain have some fun play time that’s different than their usual setting or structure. If the children are young, the child’s caregiver or parent may be a part of the play date; however, when the children are older they are usually dropped off unaccompanied by another adult, since older children can play independently. It’s not standard to be compensated extra for play dates. Since they usually alternate from house to house or at an outside location it’s a nice way of keeping the care and responsibility balanced.

So what about setting boundaries with visiting children? It can be tricky when a visiting child acts out in a way that is unacceptable. In a case where the child is doing the typical testing of limits, it’s appropriate to respond in a way that is consistent with what you’d do with the children for which you regularly care. You can enforce this by explaining the rules of the house or family and saying something like, “Your rules at home might be different, but in this house we have a rule that we are not allowed to throw balls in the living room.”

If the behavior is extreme, you could approach your employer about the situation and your concerns. I wouldn’t recommend saying to the parent of the visiting child that the child isn’t welcome to come over again or presenting your concerns directly to them. If your employer is the one arranging the play dates, they may either talk to the other parent or decide to take a break from scheduling play dates with that particular child.


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