Town & Country Resources’ Susan Kelly sat down with Gee Gee Williams to learn more about some of the issues facing families with aging parents and their ability to “age in place.” Gee Gee is a Geriatric Care Manager and Occupational Therapist with over 25 years of experience in the Bay Area.
Q. What is “Aging in Place?”
A. I think of Aging in Place as those services and conveniences that will make it possible for older people to be able to stay in their homes where they have been living over the past years. People are living longer now than ever before, and though they may not require medical care, they may require more help with everyday tasks. For example, a person who has macular degeneration is not sickly, but they are probably unable to drive. I know a woman who has developed an arrhythmia. She isn’t sick; however, she would benefit from someone who could cook a meal for her, do some housekeeping, and help her with other tasks that have been affected by her reduced stamina.
Q. How do you recommend that children of aging parents bring up the topic of in-home assistance to their parents?
A. First, and most important, do not attempt to parent your parents. Use “I” messages instead of “YOU” messages. For example, do not say: YOU can’t live at home anymore or YOU need help or YOU’RE not able to make your bed. They probably realize that they need help, but YOU’s don’t do anything to empower them to get that help.
Q. So, what should one say?
A. The best thing is if a son or daughter can voice the concerns they have for the parent. Perhaps they can say to the parent, “Mom, maybe you’re not worried about this, but I am. It doesn’t feel good to worry at night. I worry about whether you are getting up okay on your own or if you are going to fall. I worry that you are going to trip down the stairs. I would feel so much better if we could get someone here to help you.” Ideally, approach your parents with a team mentality rather than admonishing them. “I’m worried that if we continue to ignore this, something might happen. Let’s work on a solution together.”
Q. What are some suggestions for a successful working relationship between the caregiver, care recipient and family members?
A. It is very important to have open communication. I recommend a team meeting once a week, for example, with the mother, daughter and caregiver. Sometimes you may find the challenge is with the caregiver who may not be addressing some of the client’s needs. She might say, “It’s because your mom won’t let me.” These types of issues need to be discussed openly with all parties equally represented, and then it is less likely to grow into a real problem.
Q. What are some tips for finding the right professional caregiver for a particular situation?
A. Finding the right person is, of course, essential. Ideally, there could be two or three caregivers to interview to give your loved one a choice. Also, it is important to define the position so it best matches the client’s needs. If your loved one only needs help for four hours around dinnertime to get a nutritious meal and get ready for bed, they should hire someone to provide those services instead of being forced by a family member to get live-in help. I think picking the right agency is also important. In the case where a replacement caregiver needs to be found, the client has to start all over. So, it’s important for a family to choose not just the right individual caregiver, but also the best agency.
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